Gentle Wind
by Nokado
Summary: "If he really wanted to defeat me, He could have done so at the beginning. There was that much of a difference in our strengths. And if he really doesn't want to show me, He could just stop fighting and hide somewhere. He should be able to do that. So why?" And now I know why.
1. Chapter 1

Enjoy.

* * *

"I will show you

The Final Getsuga Tensho."

"If he really wanted to defeat me,

He could have done so at the beginning.

There was that much of a difference in our strengths.

And if he really doesn't want to show me,

He could just stop fighting and hide somewhere.

He should be able to do that.

So why?"

And now I know why.

* * *

I woke up at hospital.

At first I didn't know what's going on.

Them somebody came.

"Kurosaki Ichigo? Are you with us?"

I looked at a girl. She looked curious. Don't know why, don't ask me. I looked around.

"Wait a moment, alright? I'm going to get a doctor."

And she left.

Something was stuck in my throat.

I wanted to took it out but I knew it was pointless.

It was something helping and at same time it's exacerbating.

I closed my eyes.

They're hurting.

Everything's hurting.

My mind's hurting.

Ghh...

I closed my eyes.

I fell asleep.

* * *

I run to him.

Ichigo's woken up.

I opened the door.

He was moaning from the pain.

I watched my son falling asleep.

It was painful to watch.

It's not changing.

He wakes up, he falls asleep in pain with nobody around.

It's never ending nightmare.

* * *

I woke up.

Someone was holding my hand.

I opened my eyes.

Warm brown eyes.

It's not cold any more.

Just gentle wind.

Caressing my skin.

His hand caressing my face.

Strange but nice feeling.

"Isn't it strange, Kurosaki Ichigo?

Even now...

After our fight...

You lose again."

* * *

Somebody's caring me.

It's probably the same man.

I'm just a puppet in his arms.

I don't understand this.

I don't think I want to understand.

It's not hurting any more.

It's a gentle wind.

It hurts my mind but at the same time it's helping.

Clearing my mind.

I don't want to think any more.

He knows that.

He'll clean my mind.

To its harmony.

It'll be calm again.

* * *

Ichigo's gone.

Ryuken doesn't know what happened.

Nobody knows what's happened.

How this is even possible?

"Isshin."

"I can't talk right now, Kisuke!"

"Aizen is gone."

* * *

"Are you with me, Ichigo?

Does your mind know what's happening?

Your memories are disappearing.

They're never going to go back to you.

You're going to be mine.

You're my creation after all."

* * *

They're coming.

I feel it.

I don't want it.

I don't want them to come.

I want to be alone.

I want him, nothing else.

No one else.

I want-.

"What's wrong, my dear?"

He asked me.

He sensed my distress.

He hugged me.

I'm hugging back.

Even if my brain is screaming at me.

I'm hugging back.

I want to hug back.

He's different.

He's the only one I want to hug.

To smile.

To love.

I close my eyes.

He's walking with me in his arms.

I don't care where.

I only care he's here.

With me.

That's the only thing I care.

Here.

With me.

* * *

Tell me if you like it.


	2. Chapter 2

Enjoy.

* * *

Silence.

The only thing I ever heard from him.

But it doesn't even matter.  
White.

Colour of his very soul.

Maybe there's something dark in him but it's definitely not black.

Red.

Colour of my blood.

When he's digging his fingers in my skin.

Pain.

But not the same as before.

Itself it's not the same but they're alike.

But not the same.

Brightness falling at my skin.

It's the same.  
But at the same time it's not.

He's making it a different thing.

Completely something different.  
Something disgusting to them.

But it's love for me.  
It's a prize.  
It's worth it.  
"Don't you see this, my dear?  
I'm hurting you.  
But you're just like a good dog.  
Taking everything what your master is giving you.

I don't believe you're the same as before, Ichigo Kurosaki.  
Maybe because you aren't, right?"  
'You're lying to me'

I want to say.  
But there's no word coming from my mouth.

'I am who I am'.  
But I'm not a liar.  
Not to him, not to myself.


	3. Chapter 3

Enjoy.

* * *

I looked at his sleeping body.

So innocent but we all know the truth.

Let him think what he wants.

For now of course.

He won't know when I'll start my game.

"Ichigo?" I asked.

He opened his deep brown eyes with a little yellow in them.  
"...Yes?" so he's going to play with that innocent face of his.

Then let's start.

I grabbed his forearm.

He lost a little weight but if he behaves, he will gain it again.

Of course if.

I'm not going to go easy on him, he's not going to learn something by just rewards.

I'm going to give him a little pain but not to much.

I'm not a bad guy, no.

I just need that kind of pain that changes, that give you a chance to learn something.  
He whimpers when I grab him with a little strength.

"Something wrong? Did I hurt you?"

He knows if he says something bad, it'll be no good.  
"...N-no."

I like to hear what I want.

And he gains 10 points from that answer.

Just a little more and he's going to be a little far from perfect.  
"Then you don't mind if I do something?"  
"…"

He silently gives me a nod.

He needed a few moments to do that but I don't mind, he can be a little thinker, I don't want to be like dog, doing everything without a through.

He needs to think too, his mind is too great to let it be like a dog. No, it would be a waste.  
I grab the back of his neck, not painfully, just to feel.

He gets up, looks in my eyes.

They aren't cold, there's still something stubborn in him, something that pushes him to fight me.

I like that but I need to control it.  
He looks down after a few seconds.

Another good reaction.

Still not letting go, I'm pulling him towards me.

He obeys again, giving a small kiss to my mouth.

I'm not pushing him again, not giving him any advise what to do.  
He carefully, scared like a helpless animal in every move, moves forward, exploring more and more, earning a little confidence more and more, he cries.

I'm not showing my surprise.  
"Was it wrong?"

I ask him.

He's not backing off, not answering.

"...?" he looks surprised when I'm petting him.

Still not answering him, I'm taking control, not too much at first, not changing since he's not answering.

"I don't know..."  
"There is no answer like that."

He knows that, just avoiding question.  
He grabs my hand, laying forgotten on his neck, pulls it towards his chin.

I'm looking carefully at him, searching something wrong but there's nothing.

I'm waiting, he's thinking or he tries to avoid answering.  
"Do I love you?" he mutters.

Another not-answer.  
"Answer question."

I'm not telling him which.  
"It feels bad, you shouldn't but at the same time..."

He pulls my hand to his heart.

"Why at the same time it stops worrying?

Why it slowing down and at the same time it's beating faster?"

He lays my hand between his legs.

"Was it good?

Or was it bad?

I don't know, I just know I need you.

I need you like an oxygen.

Like sun is needed to flowers, trees, life.

So?  
Was that answer enough?"  
"It is indeed but..."

I'm grabbing him around the waist, bringing closer, biting at his ear playfully.

"Is question an answer itself?"

"It's probably not...

But at the same it is...!

Without a question there wouldn't be an answer 'cause it can't exist without it!

The question can exist without an answer but an answer can't exist without question, right?!

It's just like a square and..."  
"Enough."

My voice is enough to stop him.

He holds tears in his eyes knowing he can't let them drop without my command.

I look into his eyes.

They're different from before.

They're holding a fire in them but at the same time they're holding back it, waiting for commander to tell them what to do.

It's always like that with children.

They always telling their parents

'I won't do that',

'I won't be like you when I grow up'

But when they're parents they are repeating their mistakes, hated by them.

Ichigo's not repeating his parents' mistakes.

No, he's special, he's repeating his own mistakes.  
"Come here."

He obeys

Not like he has a choice anyway.

I'm moving us, he lays his head on my chest.

He closes his eyes with a sigh, I'm petting his hair until he falls asleep.  
A normal eye won't notice my actions are giving an effects.

They are too dumb to notice.

Or they just don't want to see.

It's not my problem anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Enjoy.

* * *

I'm waking up again.

It's the same but I feel a little calmer, I don't know why.

It's more-...  
"Don't you have something to do, Ichigo?

Something more important than just thinking?"

He knows I'm going to obey, I need to, I want to survive.

I feel his hand moving to my hair, it...

Feels good to have someone who cares.

I know he's my enemy but what can I do?

Probably nothing, so in order to keep my sanity high I'm obeying him, letting him do everything he wants to do.

I'm not telling it feels good but it doesn't really matter, I'm messed up a little, you know.

Maybe a little more than a little, I honestly don't know.

"That's better."

It feels almost like he cares, almost.  
"...Can I go home?"

He should laugh at that question.

I wanted to slap myself for that question.

It's hilarious to ask your kidnapper to let you go but he doesn't.

He stops but after a moment he continues.  
"Don't you see that? This is your home."

He purrs to my ears, moves closer, his chest pressed to my back, puts his leg on mine, his hand entangling with mine.

"They're not going to search or find you."

He kisses my neck.

"They don't care about you."

He moves his mouth to my chin.

"I'm the only one caring about you."

He grabs my hands by wrists.

"I'm the only one loving you, you know that."

He moves one of his hands to my hip.

"And the only one who will love you."

I can't believe him.

I can't let him break my mind.

But at the same time I feel that he's saying the truth.

But I know it's a lie.

He holds me like that.

Telling me nobody will ever love me.

Nobody but him.

Why?

"Look at me."

Commanding me like I'm an animal.

Or something so much lower.

I upturn.

I look at him.

Pulling me against his chest.

Sick bastard.


	5. Chapter 5

Enjoy.

* * *

I wake up again.

I have to get out of here.

But he knows.

He won't let me.

Took me away from everything I knew.

Everything I truly cared about.

I try to get up but his grip on my arm is too strong, pulling me down and kissing me.

Disgusting.

"Where are you going? You have nowhere to go." He says.

"Bathroom." He lets go but only after a few seconds. I get up without even looking at him.

"I know what you want to do." I stop. "You have 30 minutes." I don't wait for the rest of his talk, I run, run and run, away from him, away from everything.

"I-Ichigo...?" I hear someone calling me but I still run. "Wait! Ichigo! It's-!"

And then silence.

I look around, I didn't recognize the person's voice.

Who was that?

I don't know.

It's kind of some... Garden? It seems like it.

I touch one of leaves.

Silky.

Alive.

I turn around when I heard something being broken.

"Ichigo!"

R-Renji?

"C'mon, we're getting out of here!" He grabs my hand but I stop him.

"What are you doing here?"

"We came here for you." I heard Rukia's voice, indeed she was behind him. "Let's leave."

...

And then I woke up.


	6. Chapter 6

Soon the good news you'll know. ;)

For now it's a "surprise".

* * *

 _Italic text_ is " **Miasto"** by **Anna Iwanek, Pati Sokół.**

But the best version is sung by Zuzanna Makowska.

From "Miasto 44", a polish war film about Warsaw Uprising.

* * *

Enjoy.

* * *

The truth was hard to explain, hard to understand, hard to accept. I still watched his face, their faces, their smilling faces when they were smilling, they were full of life, full of everything what I wanted to feel too.

And his smirk.

Burried deep in my memory.

My body trembled unconsciously on that memory, I shook my head and looked at the door. Soon he should come. What should I do?

Hide?

Cry?

...Attack?

They always said it the best protection.

Should I show him that I'm still alive? Should I still fight?

"Good morning, sweetheart." It felt like my heart stopped beating at once. I slowly moved my head towards the sound.

He's here.

* * *

I choke on my own tears, hand hiding any sound from my mouth, blood is dripping from his wound on his chest, I moved away from that body, from his being, away from there. I closed my eyes and opened them and again and again, neverending circle, neverending sun or maybe was it the moon? Was it-?

"Ichigo?"

"Oh my God, what-?"

Silence...

And then soft voice...

...

...

...

* * *

 _And though you fight with all your might,_  
 _For something more than a couple of moments,_  
 _Silently I still believe that there will come a day,_  
 _When you are back to take me away from here,_  
 _And tell me: "I still love you"..._

...

...

...Did I love you?


	7. Chapter 7

Enjoy.

* * *

"King?" I heard someone's soft voice, I knew who it was but it was unaceptable to show it. "King, I-."

"Don't. Don't even start." I said, the sand, the moon, it was beginning to hurt again, it was becoming too much, too much to-.

"King!" He grabbed my arms to gain my attention, I quickly looked at him with my wet eyes. "Don't you see it? He trapped you in one of his illusions, you can't-!"

"How can I know you aren't one?!" I screamed at him. I started breathing fast, I was alone, too alone to even understand what was going on but soon he started disappearing, circles around and the pain, pain in my stomach, I felt sick, so sick...

...

...

"Did you sleep well, Ichigo?" I didn't open my eyes, didn't need to. Soon I felt his hand stroking my cheek, my hair.

It felt too nice to be allowed.

"Do you mind visiting someone special with me?" He said it like I had a choice.

Like I ever had a choice.

I slowly got up, he took me under his arms and we walked for a while to the cells when I-.

...

...

...!

Renji and Rukia?!


	8. Chapter 8

Enjoy.

* * *

"Are you happy to see them?" He asked me with aggravating look in his eyes. "Or are you not?"

I looked at them. They both were gagged, blindfolded.

Then I looked at him.

What did he want me to do?

"I want you to choose who to free and

Who to die."

Was he crazy? How was I supposed to choose?!

"Why?" I asked quietly.

"Why not?" He asked amused. "The war is taking too long for my liking."

And I'm too long here for mine.

"So? What do you think about it?"

"I..."

...

...

I don't really know...

I don't want any of them to die but they probably deserve it.

They left me here all alone.

All alone with him.

But...

But...

But I don't want to suffer anymore.

Mentally and physically.

"I don't think it's-."

Something exploaded in the palace. He frowned at it and told me to go to our room.

Our room.

* * *

I still didn't know what happened.

Did someone come to save them?

Then why they didn't come for me too?

...Did they forget about me?

Guys, I'm still here...

Still there...

I sighed and fell on the bed, soft pillows matching everything in the room.

White.

It's too white.

I closed my eyes.

But it wasn't as dark as I wanted.

Too white.


	9. Chapter 9

Indeed it would be.

Thank you for your review!

I wrote it in a bus while being on my vacation with my class so there may be some mistakes.

Sorry.

Enjoy.

Few days passed in peace, it wasn't something unexpected from him. He was...?

Being careful?

Just...

Being himself probably.

I don't know if he wants me to be like a pet, being obient and mindless or just being...

Myself?

Did he want me to love and live like I wanted to but by his side? Or just play and throw away?

Soon my thoughts were stopped by him coming to my room.

Our room.

"Welcome, my dear." He said.

"What happened to them?" I asked waiting for answer, not answering any question from him. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Nothing. They're not here."

"What?" I slowly got up. "What do you mean?"

"It was just a test, dear."

Test?

"What are you talking about?" He just smiled.

"Nothing for you to worry about. You should rest, you've been under my illusion for too long for the first time."

"What?!" I grabbed his uniform. "What...!"

"It'd be a great idea to have a few more people here for you, right? It was starting to be boring to me to let you fall into this that soon don't. You. Think?" He asked and slowly turned to the door. "I always liked that spark in your eyes when you are feeling this way."

And left.


	10. Chapter 10

As you probably know by now I try to write regularly again. It's easier now because I have the application of FanFiction but there is one thing which I don't like very much: does anyone know how to add the line breaks? Because I don't so... The line break were supposed to be :-) but it's been delated for who knows why when I saved it. So...

 ** _Cookie._**

Don't ask me why.

Maybe I will replaced them with normal line breaks or not.

I'm probably too lazy to do that.

Enjoy.

 ** _Cookie._**

Ichigo's been gone since a week now. I don't know why but I feel rather...

Calm.

But why? I'm his father and I don't know where he is, how he is, is he even alive.

But I'm calm.

"Anything new, Kisuke?" I asked him. He didn't have his characteristic clothing or his hat. He was wearing a Shinigami's uniform.

"Aizen's got him." He said like he said it's sunny outside.

It wasn't.

"We're leaving tomorrow, at noon."

"He might be as well as dead by noon." I commented bitterly.

"He might be as well as dead by now but we're still going."

"I'm sorry, it's-."

"I know, Isshin. I know." He gave me the little charm I gave Ichigo when he was leaving to save Rukia. "We'll save him. We have to. We won't leave him as he did not leave us."

 ** _Cookie_.**

I woke up alone. I scratched my exhausted body and got up, went to the toilet to wash myself.

When I took a shower it wasn't like before. It really did calm down my nerves. I wrapped myself in a fluffy and warm towel.

I didn't know what to do. I could do a lot of things like sleep or eat something or read some book laying still on the table.

I wonder what he is doing...

I shook my head. He's probably doing some evil stuff like he always is.

 _Maybe that's what you like in him._

No, no, I don't like him, believe me. He's not someone I should care about. I should search for a way out than thinking about this.

Let's see if he left a way out... 


End file.
